Global Warming?!

Before anyone gets on my case, no I am not a global warming denier. I totally believe the world is warming one tiny degree (obviously Fahrenheit, not Celsius)  at a time. I also trust that the climatologists are correct that even a few degrees can have a huge impact. I do not understand why a change of several degrees can melt glaciers, but I assume that, like financial takeovers and moving the world, leveraging is somehow involved. I don't particularly worry about not understanding it because I don't understand electricity and, yet, the lights go on every time I hit the switch. (Except, of course, when I don't change the lightbulb, but I really hate changing lightbulbs and I get that it's the lightbulb that's the problem, not that the electricity has somehow stopped working.)

As for the idea that humans bear the responsibility for warming the planet, due to green house gases, carbon emissions, etc. Well, I'm pretty sure they're right on that, too. I'll even go out on a limb and say I'm 98% sure they're right. The 2% is my insurance in case the scientists are somehow wrong or even not quite right. I can then say, "Y'know, I always had my doubts..."

The real issue I have with this whole global warming thing is my dashed expectations. I mean, the scientists said, "Global warming!" I took this to mean, "The world is getting warmer!" I like warmer. I hate the cold. A lot. To me the idea of a warmer planet is a thing of beauty. I imagine Hawaii, but everywhere. I was looking forward to milder winters and longer summers. I even toyed with the idea of buying a huge, unnecessary SUV just to hurry things along. The thought of the oceans rising doesn't bother me, I live in Colorado. I'm pretty sure nothing's rising a mile high.

So, I was ready and eager for global warming. Then the scientists said what they really meant was that while the earth was warming, this would result not in better living conditions for those of us in the mountain region, but in climate change. Change as in hotter summers, harsher winters, severe drought in some places, severe flooding in other places, severe weather events (like a Hurricane Sandy), as well as the usual no more glaciers.

Talk about a let down. I do feel a bit betrayed by all this. I mean, I believed them. As difficult as the idea that people can effect something as large and seemingly immutable as the temperature of a planet is, I did try to wrap my head around it. And while I did not go out of my way to educate myself on the subject (I have not seen "An Inconvenient Truth") I did not hide my head in the sand. The least the  scientists could have done was be clear about where we were heading. Not the warm paradise of my dreams, but weather on steroids.  My only consolation, I never bought an SUV.

Scuba Diving

The word "scuba" began life as an acronym. Self-Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus. A miracle of technology allowing us to swim under the water for an extended period of time. Using it we can explore coral reefs forty feet below the ocean's surface. We can wander through forests of kelp. We can sit on the floor of a bay in the evening and watch manta rays swim above us. We can leave behind the harsh gravity of the earthbound and weightlessly fly in any direction we choose.

The world scuba diving opens up to us is wondrous and precious. Unfortunately, it is also terribly, terribly wrong. We are not adapted to the underwater environment. It does not want us there. The oceans are populated with horrible animals ready to sting, bite and drown us. (Yes, drown. And it is those cute, anthropomorphized dolphins I'm talking about here. We've all heard the stories about the drowning person a dolphin holds up and pushes to shore. Well apparently they don't necessarily know we belong on land. There are stories of them pushing people out to sea.)

On the physiological level scuba diving opens us up to all new levels of horror. The deeper you go the more gas dissolves in your bloodstream due to the pressure of the water. As you come up you must go very slowly to allow time for this gas to be released safely through your lungs. If you don't, the gas can be released pretty much anywhere in your body and cause godawful problems. Cerebral embolisms for instance. Also, decompression sickness, that would be the bends to the rest of us. The graphic example given to explain the bends is to think of what happens when you shake a soda and then unscrew the lid. That is what happens in your body. And if that weren't bad enough, if you forget to exhale while ascending, the air in your lungs will expand due to the decreasing pressure and cause a lung expansion injury (counter-intuitively, this can collapse your lung.)

Oh, and don't think that descending does not have its share of problems. The most obvious would be not clearing your ears properly and rupturing your ear drum. You can also mess up your sinuses. The weirdest thing, though, is nitrogen narcosis. This sometimes develops as you dive and manifests as lightheadedness, poor judgement, decreased coordination, hallucinations and ultimately death. The cure is easy, simply stop and head back towards the surface (slowly!!!). This assumes, of course, that you have any sense of what is going on and can correctly locate which way up is.

As I said, we are not supposed to be spending large periods of time underwater. My husband, though, begs to differ. A couple of weeks ago we took a scuba diving course. I thought, since I am a good swimmer and like the water, that it would be a piece of cake, that I would enjoy it, that I would have a wonderful, new, expensive hobby. It did not go well.

I read the book and did the homework. The classroom part went swimmingly (hee, hee!) Then we trooped into the pool area. We changed into swimsuits and struggled into wetsuits (which I love, because it keeps you warm). Then we learned how to put on the buoyancy vests and weight belts (are you seeing the contradiction there?) We assembled the tanks and regulators and smeared de-fogging goop in our masks. Then we got into the pool. This is a ten foot deep pool with a ledge on one side that is only about four and a half feet deep. We stood on that and practiced putting our faces in the water and breathing through the regulator. Easy! Cool! Look at me, I'm breathing underwater!

Then we all had to sit on the ledge. This puts a good foot or two of water over our heads. I can't tell you what changed. The only way to describe it is an overwhelming sense of wrongness. And despite what you might think, I was breathing just fine before the anxiety hit. Fear of not being able to breathe was not the issue. I know I can breathe under there, I just wanted to escape. And when you are anxious, of course, your breathing goes right to hell. I would manage to get my breathing under control and then have to wrestle with the wrongness issue again. Luckily, it resolved itself when I couldn't stand it any longer and stood up.

The instructors were very kind (which makes it worse in a way, because you're feeling shaky and scared and more than a bit idiotic and the niceness just confirms all three emotions.) One of them helped me get used to being under water gradually and that helped. Anyway, I made it through the weekend without any more anxiety attacks. I had no problems with any of the exercises requiring the removal and retrieval of my regulator or my mask. I did, however, feel my heart start to race when we did the just-so-you-know-what-it-feels-like-to-run-out-of-air-we-are-shutting-off-your-tank-under-water exercise. (I know, one fun thing after another.)

After the weekend, which I survived, I then had to apologize to my husband for not taking his fear of spiders seriously. Really, I thought he was just being over sensitive about their eight legs. He told me once they move wrong. I never really understood that. OK, I still don't understand that, but I will refrain from teasing him about it and will remove spiders for him when he asks.

My scuba saga is not over yet. We are required, in order to be certified, to have four open water dives with an instructor. Open water. Open water. Deep open water. Wrong, wrong, wrong. I do not look forward to it. A ten foot deep indoor pool with a ledge is not a vast ocean with currents and hostile animals. Alas, it is not even a small lake or reservoir. You can easily swim from one end to the other in one breath. (Not that I would, because, you know, over-expanded lungs...) I have, however, conquered it and I will attempt the open water swims. I just hope my husband appreciates it the next time I scoop up a spider for him and release it outside.

Quick Note

All right, all right. The only reason I am writing anything today is 1) I have a little bit of time and 2) I feel guilty I have written in a while.

That said, I don't have much to say. I have been very busy, but not so anyone would notice. You know the kind of busy: lots of things to go to (from kids' sports events to school functions to dinner dates with friends scheduled weeks ago), bad weather (it does slow you down), school projects (yes, I know this belongs to the kids, but seriously disruptive regardless), and who knows what all, but nothing to show for it at the end. Luckily, I think the worst is over (unless I have just jinxed myself for being so presumptuous.)

The one thing I did accomplish is my office. It is far from finished and to the untrained eye you cannot tell anything had been done, but I know. The desk is clear and several large stacks of paper have been dealt with. The office is now somewhat functional, meaning I have a place to put paper as it comes in and can find what I need fairly easily. It may stay in this state until after April 15th, after which, I should have time to work on the stack of projects in the corner, paint and look for good shelves and a comfy chair. For now it works. Except I may need to get a space heater. My office being in the basement it stays cool (great in summer, not so much in winter). I could turn the heat on, but that heats the whole basement when I just need to be warm for maybe an hour. Oh, and I have to move the little tv in and set up the dvd player. Nothing helps paperwork like our little electronic friends.

The weather is much better now. It has been in the 50's and 60's for awhile and sunny. I can barely remember why I was so whiny when it was -6.

Well, that is all for now, except for one thing. My sister is in Paris meeting her husband who has been overseas for the last 3 months. Very, very romantic. I can't wait to hear about her trip.